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Summary
Summary
Of course you think you're doing a sh*tty job. Every parent does. It's pretty much a byproduct of our society, with its incessant demands coupled with the in-your-face competitiveness parents see on social media. Unfortunately, the pandemic only made things worse, as parents juggled the stresses of helping their kids navigate online schooling while they also had to work from home. All of which makes Carla Naumburg's new book utterly necessary. Author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids, with 149,000 copies in print, Naumburg delivers her message right up front-- You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent --that all parents need to hear and believe in. And she does it with her singular understanding, relatably funny voice, and keen insights.
You don't react calmly to every situation? That doesn't make you a sh*tty parent. You'd rather hide in the back of the closet than play dolls with your child (because you hate dolls)--nope, doesn't mean you're a sh*tty parent. The fact is, great parenting is not the same thing as perfect parenting. Great parenting starts with true self-compassion, the kind that means you don't judge yourself. Harnessing this self-compassion is the key to giving yourself a break and embracing your best qualities as a parent. There are four evidence-based elements of self-compassion--noticing, connection, curiosity, and compassion of course--and Naumburg gives tangible steps for how to use each to help parents reduce their anxiety, trust their instincts, move past the guilt and become a calmer, more confident parent. Which, in the end, benefits your child as much as you.
Author Notes
Carla Naumburg, PhD, LICSW, is a clinical social worker and the author of Ready, Set, Breathe: Practicing Mindfulness with Your Children for Fewer Meltdowns and a More Peaceful Family (New Harbinger, 2015), Parenting in the Present Moment: How to Stay Focused on What Really Matters (Parallax, 2012) and How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent (Workman, 2019).
Reviews (2)
Booklist Review
A clinical social worker, speaker, parent, and author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids (2019), Naumburg once again offers a parenting book that parents will actually want to read. Equal parts helpful and hilarious, this book instructs caregivers in the art of self-compassion, even under the hardest of circumstances. Naumburg writes with wit and wisdom, encouraging readers to let go of "Shitty Parent Syndrome": the underlying belief that you're messing everything up with your kids no matter how hard you're trying. Naumburg instead guides caregivers to focus on filling that space with self-compassion, which "isn't about letting yourself off the hook. It's an incredibly empowering practice that will help you calm down, think clearly, and approach parenting with more creativity and confidence." Subsequent chapters offer practical advice for bringing this practice into caregivers' daily lives. This begins with noticing the chaos, building connections, embracing curiosity, responding with kindness, and then "compassioning the crap out of your kids." Naumburg's advice is invaluable and reassuring while--it can't be overstated--truly embracing the humor of it all. The rare parenting book that readers will want to pick up again and again.
Library Journal Review
Social worker Naumburg (How To Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids) received dozens of interview requests from media outlets in spring 2020, a moment when many parents were feeling desperate as they managed kids learning remotely, the expectations of their own workplaces, and the unprecedented stress and challenges of a pandemic. Naumberg's book is a guide to easing parents' stress that uses humor as a tool to deliver truth and emphasizes that self-compassion, forgiving oneself, and getting support are the keys to navigating these struggles. Naumburg recognizes that parents may turn to distractions or denial instead of dealing with the core of their issues. She explains that unhealthy f-words reactions--no, not that f-word but flight, freeze, flip out, fix, and fawn--can be counteracted by the c-words: calm, clarity, creativity, and confidence. She shows that growth in parenting is quite possible, as parents learn to live in the present moment, notice unhelpful reactions, connect to their own humanity, or perhaps reach for a therapist. VERDICT It's easy to see why Naumburg's side-splittingly funny and relatable work resonates so strongly during a challenging time. Essential reading.
Table of Contents
| Introduction: Why I Wrote a Whole Damn Book About Self-Compassion | p. 1 |
| Chapter 1 Crap Happens and Then We Make It Worse | p. 20 |
| Chapter 2 Life's a Beach and Then We Freak Out | p. 44 |
| Chapter 3 Self-Compassion Is Your Secret Sauce | p. 57 |
| Chapter 4 It All Starts with Noticing | p. 76 |
| Chapter 5 You're Not the Only One: The Power of Connection | p. 98 |
| Chapter 6 Curiosity: The Life-Changing Magic of Exploring Your Experience | p. 128 |
| Chapter 7 Kindness: You're Not a Monster. Parenting Is Hard | p. 155 |
| Chapter 8 How to Compassion the Crap Out of Your Kids | p. 185 |
| Chapter 9 A Recap of Key Points and How to Make the Magic Happen | p. 210 |
